Seven Deadly Sins

Well, okay… three of them, anyway.

Last night it just happened that the nephew was spending the night at a friend’s house, and his sister, the princess, threw a fit to go spend the night with her grandmother. As the BFFs suddenly found themselves temporarily childless (a rare occurrence), we set out to have a night of grown up fun (an even more rare occurrence).

What to do? Being us, the obvious answer was “eat.” So we headed down south to Tunica. Our destination? Harrah’s Casino (formerly The Grand), where the Paula Deen Buffet had opened a couple of weeks ago.

I enjoy watching Paula Deen on television. People have told my mother that Paula reminds them of her, although I really don’t see it. Although my mother is absolutely Southern and a wonderful cook, and enjoys the slot machines like Paula apparently does, so I guess the similarities are there. And at my mom’s, everyone tends to congregate in the kitchen while she cooks, which is one of the things I like about “Paula’s Home Cooking” — she invites you into her own home.

Paula’s Buffet in Tunica is, in fact, a large-scale model of her home, divided into areas modeled after Paula’s dining room, porch, etc. (I assume Paula’s home doesn’t have an actual gift shop, but you never know.) And the food is exactly what you’d expect from watching her shows and reading her cookbooks, with a few surprises along the way.

Now, I’m not normally a big fan of buffets. I can’t exactly explain why, except that I tend to think the food suffers from not getting a lot of attention from those preparing it. (There’s also my tendency to not like being in close proximity to a bunch of people I don’t know, but that’s just a personal thing.) And if Paula’s buffet does suffer at all, it is from the fact that it is, by definition, more institutional than a traditional restaurant. (That’s not a criticism — any restaurant meant to serve over 500 people at a time is, by definition, not going to involve any single plate of food getting hands-on attention from a chef.) But as buffets go, Paula’s is top-notch. She had her kitchen manager come out from Savannah to instruct the staff (and had the buffet’s kitchen manager come to Savannah for training), and the level of attention shows.

There are five basic areas to the Buffet. Granny Paul’s Garden is the salad bar. Most of the ingredients there were what you’d expect on a salad bar, although everything was fresh and of great quality. Some of Paula’s specialty salads were interesting, including a marinated asparagus salad, mushroom and tomato salad, and a Vidalia onion slaw. The seafood gumbo was excellent.

Next up is Uncle Bubba’s Oyster House. Here, I was a little disappointed. I tried the crab legs, knowing full well that it was going to be a lot of work for a little food. Unfortunately, there were no crackers in sight, so they ended up being a lot of work for a little food and messy hands. The fried shrimp were also a bit disappointing, being a little bit tough and slightly greasy. (EAToo noted that the fried potatoes and catfish were a bit greasy, too.) The peel ‘em and eat ‘em shrimp, however, were absolutely wonderful. The oysters and frog legs both looked good, as such things go, but I can’t make any personal recommendations, as neither is exactly my cup of tea.

The next food station is based on The Lady and Sons, Paula’s home-cooking restaurant in Savannah. I didn’t stop there, as the line was a bit long. But I am assured by the BFF and EAToo that the cheesy meatloaf was really good, and that the chicken pot pie is to die for. EAToo also very much enjoyed the lima beans —something he just doesn’t get at home. Ever. So I was glad that he enjoyed them without me having to deal with them.

For my part, I skipped on to Captain Michael’s Smokehouse, named for Paula’s husband. There I tried the wet ribs (they had dry, too, but they just didn’t look as good). They were really good, with an excellent smoke flavor in the meat, which was, appropriately, falling off the bone. The Smokehouse section also had some Polish sausage and a brisket. I skipped these, largely because the brisket looked a bit overdone to me (and since I like my steak well-done, that’s saying something). However, the Smokehouse section also boasted some excellent cheese grits, and, inexplicably, some really, really good crab cakes, made fresh on a griddle at the bar. Go figure.

Before I get to the desserts, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the bread station. Two types of bread are available there — hoe cakes and garlic cheese biscuits. The garlic cheese biscuits ranged from sublime to overdone and a bit too hard, depending on which batch you got. If you got one of the nice, fresh, soft ones, they were wonderful. The highlight, though, was definitely the hoe cakes. These fried corn cakes, which resemble pancakes a bit, were absolutely perfect specimens. Butter and syrup are available, but I don’t know why you would need to add anything at all.

Of course, we saved the best for last — although I kind of wish we had gone to Little Jack’s corner for dessert first. And last. And in the middle. There were only about a dozen things I wanted to try: hand dipped ice cream (including sundaes and banana splits), cakes, pies, cookies, brownies, puddings, and even large jars of “penny” candies. I held myself back, however… limiting myself to only three choices. The black forest cake was wonderfully light, which made me feel like I had plenty of room for a small bit of really excellent bread pudding and part of a lovely (and oversized) chocolate truffle. Alas, I did not notice the crème brulée until it was too late. I’ll catch that and the gooey butter cake the next time.

Paula’s Buffet is a bit pricey on the weekends, at $25 per person. However, the quality and quantity of the food were definitely worth it. If you’d like to pay a bit less, the weeknight cost is about $18, and breakfast is only $9. We arrived at about 8:00 p.m. on a Saturday night, and there was about an hour wait — which probably would have happened at most restaurants in the Wolfchase area (where we live), so that was no big deal. At least we had plenty to keep us occupied in the meantime.

So, back to those deadly sins. Obviously, gluttony was the order of the evening. (EAToo does tend to take “all you can eat” as a personal challenge.) It could have been worse, though, since we did enough walking around the casino before and after eating to take the edge off a bit. Ultimately, I don’t figure the occasional splurge really hurts — and I don’t remember the last time I ate that much, so it’s probably ok.

But you can’t go to a casino without doing a little bit of gambling… at least, I can’t. Hence the greed. Now, my father is a blackjack dealer, and I am well aware that casinos don’t make payroll for a couple of thousand people by handing out money to everyone who walks in. But it’s still fun to try, with just that little bit of hope that you’ll be the one to get something for nothing. So we tried out our luck (on a very small scale) on slots and video poker. Having tested my luck, I am reassured that it is still nonexistent.

Which brings me to that last one, envy. The BFFs had better luck than us. Well, at least they managed to play a lot longer on a lot less money, one of them turning $10 into $60 (and back into none) before dinner, and the other playing for the better part of an hour on $2.50 at a nickel slot machine. EAToo tried a similar machine — and even playing 20 lines at a time couldn’t hit anything. I don’t mean he didn’t win big. He didn’t win anything. At all. I was a bit jealous, sure, but on the other hand, my lack of luck was no big surprise, so it wasn’t too upsetting.

All in all, we had a great time. The drive down and back alone is fun if you have good company, on top of a great meal and time to just hang out and play without having to be anywhere at a specific time or put anyone to bed.

And the people watching at casinos is fascinating, too. But I’ll save my rant about how I’m worried that some people can’t afford mirrors for another time. “Tacky” is a deadly sin, too, right?